Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson. Read in about a day, I rarely pick up a book and am instantly absorbed until it's completed. I happen to resonate with the key focus and discovered I already live my life along these terms; Fine tuning as I get older and wiser. More importantly, reflecting on how I once was compared to now.
Here it goes: Why would a book with such a name have a place in our current culture and why would anyone actually care? It is, of course, a best seller. Maybe the words in this book are exactly what society needs to hear at this exact time on earth.
When we die, all the junk we worried about, all the perceptions of who we think we are supposed to be, the expectations, the stuff of drama and the useless emotions die with us.
Why waste our life in highs and lows that are meaningless if we are not truly, honestly fulfilled?
Picking and choosing what we care about, those things that truly move us from deep within, is vital in how we grow as humans.
For example, it is really easy to get pissed off at the person driving 30 miles an hour when all we want is to hurry up and get to our next destination. Maybe we will tailgate for a few miles or drive around the slow poke slowly while giving him or her the stink eye, cursing them under our breathe. If we are having a particularly shitty day, we'll honk at the asshole. How dare this person interfere with our commute? This happens all time in New York. I know. I lived there. The struggle is real.
Why do we care so much? That person's driving speed has absolutely nothing to do with us and driving around the car calmly, without attachment, makes life easy and anger free. Why do we invite negativity into our lives?
It is easy to let the little things eat away at our calm resolve, but if we don't give a flying F*ck, there is no impact on our day.
Driving is an easy example we can all relate to. Let's try something different, something bigger. A larger more complicated problem. Because we all have problems. But do we have good problems or bad problems? (I stole that from the book)
My biggest problem in any given day is what to make for dinner. (relatable right?) I dread it. And although I'm a really good cook, I don't like cooking, after a long work day, for FOUR picky kids. So, I dumb down my cooking skills and compromise in order to satisfy them all. This is what I'd call a good problem with layers of complexity. It's a good problem because we can afford food, we have a home to cook it in and we have choices on what to eat. Many people do not. I am thankful for my good problem. But, at the core of my problem, I do not want to disappoint my teenagers with food they won't eat. It makes me uncomfortable and no one likes to feel uncomfortable. I reluctantly make choices to avoid those feelings. I choose to cook unhealthy meals or often I choose not to cook at all. Each day I strive to conquer this dilemma and dissolved it into nothingness. For example, today I cooked and it was good enough to get compliments without reaching too far outside of the cooking creativity box while still being a balanced meal. Not all days are this good, but can they be?
Now think about what you consider a problem or conflict in your life. Is it good or bad and can it be solved easily by giving less of a F*cK about it? How important is this problem and if it gets solved will a new, better problem magically appear?
What's at the core? The term "Don't sweat the small stuff" is keen advice. Allowing our emotions to settle with less care on an outcome often reveals a "huge" drama filled problem isn't actually a problem at all. Real life struggles change drastically when we change our position. Think about the problem as if it was someone else's and take action to correct it without the emotional investment. And remember, you can't change another persons feelings or perspective, but you can change your own feelings about the situation. Give less of a F*Ck about their complaints, negative view, unreasonable expectations, and judgments and soon they fall to the background of your life.
Now there is also an entire chapter or paragraph on indifference. That's truly way worse. You have to have feelings and opinions. Indifference is caring too much about what everyone else feels and thinks so you don't take a stance out of fear that your perspective will be rejected. Social insecurity anyone? (Been there - don't care)
Crazy how that all comes full circle. I'm not going to summarize the entire book, or pretend like I did it justice.
I am going to end this mediocre blog with this: We all will suffer, and will be forced to cope with life struggles. If we can not stop the suffering, let's think about for what purpose are we suffering?
(I'm sure I stole that too)
Life is short, let's choose our battles wisely, and not let anyone else's thoughts and opinions interfere with our own true journey.
"We are only as relevant as we choose to be; choose well." LN
