Life Long Dreams

I awoke this morning with an overwhelming premonition.  It was about living in Costa Rica, one of my many dreams. 

This idea is one of those things that my husband and I toyed with after we vacationed in Costa Rica almost two years ago.  I am unsure the reasons why I awoke thinking about this, considering we haven't seriously put any plans into motion, but the concept still finds relevance in my psyche, therefore the dream has not faded away. 

I'm a firm believer that when a dream seed is planted it will continue to grow and be nourished with positive thoughts, a little at a time, and eventually we find ourselves living the dream as a reality. 

Many of my dreams, thoughts, wishes....have transformed into my reality.  I believe this is possible by following a simple recipe:  a sliver of faith, a glimmer of hope, a tad of motivation and a sprinkle of belief; cover it with your heart to keep the dream warm, and it will rise to the surface, when the timing is right. 

Never think "why?" Always think "why not?"

I am still practical by all means, but I constantly find myself making plans, on top of plans, on top of plans, all while nursing seeds for future lifestyle changes and with each success, those dreams grow larger and more vibrant.  

As I live my life in a current fabrication of a dream, I am fully aware that even the best dreams will come to an end, to leave room for new and different dreams.  Shouldn't this be what living life is all about?  And now I ponder, why not multiple dreams at a time? Is that greedy or silly to want so much in such a short lifetime?  

I don't really know what my future holds, but I am always open to the possibilities, I am open to those doors that may or may not open.  The older I get the more I come to realize that I have already lived a full life, but I have all these future lives to create, all the things I haven't had time to do yet.

Sometimes I wonder about my mom and if she felt she lived a fulfilling life and did everything she set out to do.  Did she have regrets in her last months, weeks, or days of her life?  Did she wish she had done more or was she content with her simplistic lifestyle?  

Experiencing the reality of death so close to home, naturally forced me to contemplate my own life.  Everyone is different and we all have personalities that drive us to do one thing or another.  My personality creates "the sky's the limit" perspective, that anything is possible, but I respect others are extremely happy with consistency and predictability of being content and stable. 

Some people are self proclaimed homebodies and love staying home with what is familiar. They have no desires to explore life any further than what they have already come to know.  I understand why people would prefer their safe haven.  I too appreciate my home. 

I personally had plenty of stability the first 20 years of my life, the second 20 years I would say were anything but stable, but they were dream fulfilling years.  The next twenty, I'm planning to evolve by fulfilling two and three dreams at a time, as to never feel I am running out of time, living my "life long dreams."

Dreams are like beauty, they are in the eye of the beholder.  My personal dreams include: (some are already fulfilled) traveling to many specific, exotic destinations, meeting the man of my dreams, becoming a mother, living in a beautiful home in an equally beautiful neighborhood, giving my children a decent, happy life, learning to love and care for myself, being a nicer person and a good friend, mother and wife.  Work in an ideal accoutant position with genuinely warm and  inspiring people. Temporally live in different parts of the world and expose my children to different cultures, travel the country in an RV, live minimalist, be self sufficient and live off the grid, kill and eat my own food, start a non-profit helping people, and travel to third world countries, help all those around me to fulfill their dreams by sharing whatever it takes to give them one or more ingredients to make it Happen.......why not?  Continue blogging, write a book, and find a following of like minded individuals.

I'm sure I left a few out, and many haven't been created yet, but the greatest thing about life long dreams is that they are always evolving, regenerating and forming a life I call my own. 

Living life freely

Reflection is such a beautiful thing.  We all take moments to reminisce about our past, who we use to be and wonder how time moves along, yet our own essence stays very much the same. 

The voice in our heads has always been with us, our earliest childhood memory proves this, it may change its tone as the years roll by, but it is still the same voice.  Our childhood thoughts are innocent, yet as I reflect back, I now understand something differently, intuitively I had always known what was best for myself.   I'm unsure why or how, but my mind, with less stress and worry gave me answers to all my questions effortlessly.  

As children we are free to be whoever we choose to be, it is our freeing, worry-less thoughts that keep us young and happy.

                   

These are my own thoughts.  My calm, peaceful thoughts as I wonder when do children transition to uptight, worried adults, forgetting to trust their instincts?  Is it when we have our own children redirecting our thoughts to their wants and needs?  We referee pointless disagreements, we are constant caregivers of mini messy people all while we juggle insane schedules; do these things cause us to forget?  When our parents begin to age and fall ill, and we can not recall when our parents reverted, forcing us to be their caregivers. Is this when something else clicks and we remember to keep it easy again, our minds revitalize, life truly is too short, and we are forced to reflect.  

I'm currently turning the last corner of my last year being Thirtysomething. I was a kid when there was a TV show called "Thirtysomething".   I never watched it because those people were "way too old!"  As I digress.....

I took my sons to the local flea market this weekend.  We ate soft served ice cream and New York sour pickles, because that's what I did when I was a kid.  I shared these memories with my oldest son.  He is at that age where he listens and asks questions and wants to know more.  I shared my memories with satisfaction and obligation.  I feed him as much information as he was ready to absorb, and wondered which parts he'd retain.  I often hope he will grow up to trust his own instincts, no worry, maintaining his confidence.  

James observes me and pays attention as my actions speak louder than my words.  I remind myself to respect the person he is without allowing him to disrespect my own boundaries.  It's a little mental dance we do and it works for us.  He is a lot like me, which allows me to understand where he is coming from.  When he has a meltdown, I know he is struggling to keep up inside, and when I acknowledge it and give him his time, he comes back to me happier.  

                               

It is such an interesting time in each of our lives, as we come into our own.  James Is growing up and maturing, reading and caring for those in his life. I am finally embracing my prime as a 40 year old woman. It means so many things to so many people. For myself I feel it is true freedom. 

Life feels easier, mainly due to that voice inside, it speaks loud and clear, without doubt.  Without any misunderstandings.  No ones truth can push me outside my comfort zone or maybe I simply care a little less what others think of me.  I listen and am open, but I respect we are all on very different journeys and we each learn our lessons at different times in our life. This is very clever and maybe a little idealistic, but this truth is far from profound.  It has been restated in many ways across many cultures.  I also believe, when we disagree with people on our paths, there is a power shift and a lesson to be learned simply to push us closer to ultimate emotional freedom.  

Today I told myself I would do things I don't normally do, I would think things I don't normally think, and care less about outcomes and more about the purposeful intent.  I took selfies without feeling silly, I wrote my first hashtag with intent, I began writing again, I gave my kids all of "me" in our time together.   I did not care when Ty had an ice cream disaster or when the boys fought over everything (life with a two year old is all about mini conflicts). I know the boys are learning to love one another unconditionally, something only parents do instantly when their children are born.  (Outside of our birth parents unconditional love is so much more difficult to achieve.  Yet it can be done.)  These thoughts help me manage the conflict and move closer to the good things. 

                     

I was patient and more connected with my boys and as my day unfolded it felt easy and natural.  I was reminded of my RV days, our simple life.  Life often comes full circle, over and over again.  I ate pickles at the flea market with my boys and in an instant I was that curious, little, overweight child wondering when my body would catch up to my over active, informative brain. That voice in my head answering questions effortlessly without a care in the world.  Today, I heard myself letting that little girl know she is doing exactly the right thing at the right time.  She is safe on her path to freedom.  If time travel exists, that little girl, (myself), experienced Déjà Vu in this moment, how ironic life can be. 

                    

Life Inside Those Homes

As I sit inside my home, in my living room, sliding glass doors open, I appreciate the cool breeze blowing from outside.  I can hear the cows from the farm residing behind our home.  Occasionally, we will see and hear them riding their horses.  Birds of all shapes and sizes come and go, calling the fish filled pond their home.  Our dog, like a lion, oversees his new kingdom for hours all day and into the night under the stars.  Our cat saunters in and out as he pleases, purring loudly, eyeing the large birds conspicuously.  

We live in the suburbs, yet our plot of land surprised us with its added perks of country life.  We are fortunate considering we had no idea our land would feel more like country living, complete with a white picket fence and sunsets each evening.  We have made a peaceful home-life with the benefits of civilization, adequate square footage, an outstanding school district, and life as we know it, has become stable and predictable. This is of course a good thing.

I made it a point this weekend to ride my bike throughout my neighborhood.  It’s called Watersedge because of all the lakes and ponds peppered in and around it.  Many homes are waterfront or have a view of a water landscape.  It's the American dream in a nut shell; everything a growing family could hope for, a retiree would work for, and its a young couple's dream come true.  It is here in Watersedge. 

I rode my bike with an intent. I rode with purpose.  Who were the people inside the line of homes I drive by every day?  Who are those people inside those homes?  I rode down streets with ridiculous made up names: Goosecross Court, Storybrook Lane, Duckhorn Court.  I rode and observed, absorbing each and every home.

There are the larger homes with beautiful Florida palm trees of all shapes and sizes in the gated community.  There are the smaller homes, reminiscent of landscaping I grew up with up north, brown leaves withered on the ground.  Each subsection of the neighborhood radiated differently, based on the age of the homes, the outside decor and the manicured plots. Each home told a story very different from the one next to it, the one down the block or the one in the next mini subdivision.  Each home unique in it's own way, however, eerily similar. 

The only piece of reality I could not comprehend was why, on this gorgeous day in March, I saw so few people outside?  The occasional jogger or person working in their garage, but no young people, no kids playing, no moms or dads, not one person outside their home.  It didn't matter what spectrum of the wealth scale homeowners were from, everyone was hungered down in the safety of their homes.  Many cars, but no people.  Is this truly the American dream?

Many of the homes, with their beautiful landscapes at the foot of their doors, only steps from a picturesque and safe neighborhood, to bike ride, walk or run.  They could visit the playground or sit outside; yet the streets were unusually quiet.  

There are no excuses, this day was not too hot, it was not too cold, yet I rode my bike in solitude. 

I took it all in, I enjoyed the exquisite views of my new life, the American dream as its being dreamed, wondering with earnest, what goes on inside those homes? 

Who have we Americans become? 

Life - Unpredictable

Life is unpredictable.  It is in those times of instant change - we learn so much about what we are capable of enduring. It is how we choose to respond to change that ultimately defines us.......

We may take for granted that our lives will always stay the same.  We may think life is as good as it's going to get or that life can not get any worse.  We may feel we are resilient, indestructible and nothing will get in our way or challenge our strong resolve. 

This, however, is never the case.  The only guarantee we have in life is that it will change, and that change will come fast with full force.  It can never be prevented; the good and the bad, that life inevitably has in store for all of us!  

How we mange our change is an essential life long skill.  Experiencing our change in it's entirety creates a healthy transition while resistance will create instability and hardship.  

In other words, if the change is difficult, sad or hurtful, acknowledge those feelings, embrace and own them; accept, do not deny the difficult emotions.  

Then set them free. 

If the change is GOOD, allow yourself to embrace all the joy and happiness. Celebrate the goodness in your life, you've earned it and deserve to be in life's good graces.  Don't let anyone steal your joy!  
I say this with experience.  I have had both good and bad, life impacting, changes in the pass three weeks. Three weeks ago, my mother passed away after 78 years of life.  It was a traumatic, life altering change for me.  One which felt like a sledge hammer slamming down on my life. 

One week after burying my mother, my niece was in a horrific car accident.  She was a pedestrian hit by three cars, (one was a hit and run).  My niece is still in the hospital recovering from multiple surgeries.  It is a sobering reality how precious life is.  

My niece's life was miraculously spared, however, she is still enduring her own life changes.  Her life has been impacted emotionally, spiritually and physically, her memories permanently altered. 

My sister's life was also turned upside down, with shock, fear, worry and now ultimately caring for her daughter.  She's been at her bedside through it all.  

In an instant, life's unpredictability forces you to stop, switch gears and move in an entirely different direction.  

My love is all I can give to support them.  I am grateful for their strength as my niece recovers. They both inspire me. 

In all this hardship, sprouted a nugget of goodness.  One week after my niece's accident I was offered an ideal job, close to home.  A brand new life awaited me and I had no idea.  I am now living and thriving as a working mother.  It is all positive and good for me, yet the change impacts my children and my husband.  

We are all managing well, considering how unpredictable our lives have been the last few weeks.  I am better, stronger and appreciative of every day, because in an instant everything can change. 

Life Lost : My Special Rose

My mother's name is Rose.  It is the perfect name for her.  She was beautiful and precious, delicate and fragile.  Her identity strong, her protection apparent.

"Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose."
Sacred Emily, Gertrude Stein

She brought comforting smiles to everyone's faces.  My mother gave of herself in many ways, to her church, her entire family and her dear friends.  Rose was adored and cherished, living life as only she knew how. 

Today she is gone from our lives, she is free to be her spirit's natural, carefree self.  Her life was meaningful to those she touched and to all the people she gave her love to.  We are the fortunate ones, the ones who mourn her lost.  The void we feel inside, is the love she gave to us, no longer reinforced each and every day.  

Beautiful Rose, please do not forgot that we will live with your memory in our hearts.  Your love penetrating our souls.  If our paths cross again, will you remember the life we spent together? When we reunite, will the moment be as beautiful as our Rose?

Dearest Rose

My after thoughts: 

Did my mom know how much she was loved?  

Did she understand how we all prayed for her happiness and health? 

Does she know how much we miss her?  

My mother is gone from my life, but she lives on in my mind, my memories filtered, leaving only goodness and happy times.  Words will never describe the impact she made on my entire life.  How she gave me everything in the world.  My mother inspired me to be a better person.  It is all I can do, to graciously reciprocate her love. 

It is interesting how losing a loved one encourages our hearts to surge with an abundance of love and care which we would normally not feel on an otherwise ordinary day. 

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The birds and our freedom

The birds, they live behind our home, frolicking in the pond. They are our nature and illustrate freedom.  

When I see the birds in our backyard, I am aware that they are part of the land captured for our own use, they have become one with our home.  We hear them call in the mornings, the birds' home is now our home as well.  

These birds are my reminder, to never let desires to be free, be forgotten.  As quickly as I have settled into our beautiful home, I have new dreams in the pipeline, marinating, maturing, waiting for the right moment to burst into full bloom. 

I announced to my husband that I wanted to take the boys out of school in six years, (when they are 8 and 12), for one year, to travel around the country.  

This idea had been planted long ago, however, the reality of being stabilized in a new home, instantly caused the seed to sprout.  I discovered I instantly had a timeline and a better understanding that it could be done.  The details have not revealed themselves, but I do know this is something we should do for our boys when the timing is right. 

I know nothing about our future work situations, if we will have met many of our financial goals or how I will feel about homeschooling in six years.  However, I released the dream and will wait to see how it will flourish.  I plan to nurture and feed my little seed of a thought and will know in a few years, if the dream will actually transform into a reality.  

The concept of giving my 8 and 12 year old boys a life changing experience they will carry with them for their entire lives is such a novel idea.  

Learning to live fultime and travel in an RV while understanding what makes the United States unique is a fabulous gift of freedom.  A gift which will make the biggest impression on my boys while their young minds can soak it up and appreciate the experience in its entirety. 

I can visualize this dream coming true and that's all I really need for now.  One little wish, turn to dream, transformed into reality.

I think therefore I am.  -Descartes

I dream therefore I live.  -Myself

Good things come.....

....to those who wait. 

In a society that has evolved and has freely welcomed instant gratification, there truly is something to be said about living life with a little easy going patience.  

We all want things, but how many of those 'so called' wants are really all that important?

Each day we wake up with muddled thoughts in our heads forming the 'must dos' of our day.  Our wants intertwined so delicately with our needs.  

Those nagging feelings prioritizing the most important items that will ultimately create our day. 

We often find ourselves wishing for more, hoping for better.  A better life filled will all those things we think we are lacking. 

How often are we just satisfied with contentment?  That quiet knowing that our life desires have already been quenched, revealing themselves when the time is right. 

My thoughts spiraled around these ideas this morning as I stood in my beautiful, luxurious shower.  I realized something so profound, yet simple.  

I have waited patiently, and something good came to me.  

I have showered in many places, some good, while many not so good.  As particular as I am about my showers, I tend to take whatever I can get without complaint, finding the good in simply having a shower. 

In the meantime, I can finally say I have the most fabulous place to shower and it's all mine.  I get to keep this aspect of my life consistent.  I feel deserving of my shower.  I have earned my glorious morning routine.  

My shower is not a public shower. The water temperature is ideal.  The water pressure is superb.  My shower is open and spacious.  It is just what I have always "wanted".

I absolutely could step it up, making it a semi-outdoor shower, with additional shower heads, massaging my entire body while living in the Caribbean or Costa Rica.  Maybe in another life, one day in the far future. 

In the meantime, today, I am happy, content and satisfied to begin each morning in my favorite place.  My wants and needs equally being satisfied.  

We send our little wishes out into the abundant universe .  They always come back and surprise us when we least expect it.  I am sure I will always find new wishes to release, but never without gratitude for those wishes already fulfilled.  

A New Life

Switching gears for some people may be challenging, but for others it is an everyday part of life. 

Today, I switched life gears. I went from campground RV dweller to homeowner in a matter of minutes. 

Sixty minutes to be exact. Our house closing took an hour of paperwork signing, and with each signature of commitment, we were one step closer to living a brand new life. 

Never Ending Paper work!

With all the excessive paperwork, I barely absorbed what was about to come to fruition.  And then it happened!  The keys were handed to me, in a mini gift bag, on News Year Eve 2013.  

The moment it felt real

Everything I had done up to this point was to get to this moment.  My dream home was real.  The home, I didn't know I needed or wanted or could grow to love as my own, until the moment it became real.  

The reality of the situation was it wasn't about the actual house, it was more about what the home represented. 

Stability 
Comfort
Family Moments
Meals around the table
Cooking for my family 
Family Movie Night

We finally had a common place for ALL of us to call home after almost five years apart.  

No amount of money, sacrifice, or time could compare to this moment realizing everything had finally come together.  

Life as we knew it would change, our family has come home. 

Jack getting a snack!

James making himself at home

We have plenty of space to be settled, all together again.  I will share the good and the not so good.  I will compare life in a house to life in a camper and I will memorialize all those cherished moments we should never forget. 

Living Life - One Dream at a time.