Kindness & Careness

Living with kindness and sharing "careness" can be a tricky balancing act, especially when life doesn't feel kind and caring.

When life is not feeling safe, I stop and think why and determine where the unsafe place is rooted.  Is there something I can change? Or am I being challenged by someone else's fears?  Are judgements stemmed by anothers insecurities of the unknown?   

We all have or have had fears.  They manifest from insecurities, a piece of us finds a reason to doubt ourselves and others simply because it is easier than doing the work to trust ourselves and to care for those around us.

Fears can easily be diminished.  They are diminished when we find trust within. Trust in ourselves and the world around us.

Why is trust so difficult to find and embrace wholeheartedly;  because we must conquer our fear of failure to move into a space of safety.  Our trust in ourselves is harvested and our intuition blossoms.  We can never be ready to move forward if we cower in our self doubt and a blanket of fears. 

Life without fear is productive, prosperous, it is beautiful and busting with love.  Life without fear has no judgements of ourselves or others.  It is kind and caring.  It keeps all of us thriving in a place of goodness. 

Kindness and Careness is our family mantra for 2016.  With these words we are reminded to be good to one another even when fear and doubt creep into our minds, we automatically replace the fear and allow "Kindness and Careness" to take over.  It releases the need to control, to be right, to be separated by ego.  It allows joy, love and happiness into our heart and soul. 

No one can change yesterday, but in the now we all can make a conscious effort to be better.  To be deliberate about who we are and how we want to be; to ourselves and towards everyone that touches our lives.

Black Swan with a Heart

If I contact you it's because I see something in you, I know in my heart you can make a difference, have an impact.  You could change someone's life, because you have the same type of heart I saw in the others who are already in this business. There's a culture at Rodan and Fields and it's infectious. 

But let's talk about the beginning, let's discuss what's at the heart of the matter:

Black Swan Theory is a term used in business for companies that are not expected to succeed, but they surpass all the odds and find a brand new place in the market unexpectedly.

"The black swan theory or theory of black swan events is a metaphor that describes an event that comes as a surprise, has a major effect, and is often inappropriately rationalized after the fact with the benefit of hindsight. The theory was developed by Nassim Nicholas Taleb to explain:"

Examples of this in business are Amazon, Airbnb, Itsy. Often catastrophic events in history also fall under this title.

My own theory, is that these companies had a true heartfelt passion and surpassed expected success because they deserve and earned it.

A sense of empowerment and a gut feeling can take any person a long way.  Rodan + Fields as proven their success in a series of business choices that have lead to catastrophic growth in the past seven years.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertsher/2013/11/04/rodan-and-fields-grew-10-fold/

Of course, not everyone may want to sell skincare products, but doesn't everyone want a better lifestyle, financial freedom and the ability to own their own time and life?  This is a universal gift of joy.

Rodan + Fields is a company that provides a vehicle to achieve dreams.  The choice is yours to own.  

I believe Rodan + Fields could potentially be a household name like 

Tuber-ware. What if you had the opportunity to  own a piece of Tuber-ware in their early years?

Everyone wants to feel good about how they look.  From soothing sensitive skin, to looking younger by preventing, masking or reducing wrinkles, or desires of clear, beautiful skin.  We all need protection from the sun, and the ability to reverse sun damage.

Every single person who takes care of themselves has a need for one of Rodan + Fields skincare products.  That's a lot of people in an untapped market.  There are many reasons to choose to be a consultant in an untapped market, if only to communicate what's available to those who have not yet heard.  This is a monumental task and this is why consultants are ready to both sell products and recruit new consultants.  The benefits are simply outstanding.

After attending convention, I saw a side of Rodan + Fields that went further than skincare and profits.  I saw a warm, human side of the people running the show.  The sincerity and down to earth attitude of the Doctors, Kathy and Katie, Board of Directors and VPs, was very apparent.

Reunions with loved ones were tear induced.  See photo of military husband, and a surprise reunion with his wife on her birthday at convention.  She had no idea he was being flown in.  Their story was precious. 

A women had an allergy attack at our Gala, and needed to be rushed to the hospital.  Our board member, Amnon Rodan, also husband of Kathy Rodan, laid down with the woman until help came. She was embarrassed and didn't want to leave, but he helped her feel safe until help arrived.  I was there and personally saw the ambulance arrive.  

These photos are keys of insight into what is at the heart of this company.  The photo at the very bottom is from the very first party I attended at convention, The Whiteout Party.  Again, Amnon Rodan is present giving his time to show, "Hey are all a team! Let's make a difference together." 

At Austin Convention - A Surprise Birthday Reunion

At Convention After Party - The Human connection goes further then, 'Are you Okay?"

Photo Op at Team White Party!  "We're all in this together!"

Open The Flood Gates!

Once in a blue moon, I experience something that truly piques my interest and gets my juices flowing.  I consider myself an intelligent, observant and thoughtful person who has the ability to foresee great things.  I write this to caveat my experience this past weekend at an event I attended in Austin.

 

I attended Rodan + Fields annual company wide convention.  I have sincerely never witnessed anything like this before.  Considering, I have only been consulting for the company for a short few months, my expectations were initially, between low and neutral.  A convention filled with 10,000 females, was more intimidating to me then anything I could imagine.  Even with my apprehensions, I went into it with an open mind and an open heart, as I always make the best of any new situation. 

What I learned and saw about Rodan + Fields was awe inspiring.  I will share the following observation without bias, as I can provide fact behind what I learned.  Rodan + Fields is a dynamic, visionary and forward thinking company.  They have a clear path for future growth and provide their employees with the tools they need to succeed.  All a consultant needs to do is watch, learn and execute.

Rodan + Fields is prepared to take on a worldwide market!

My first powerful realization at this convention was the positive energy of the women attending. There is a sense of collaboration, all these women are working towards the same goals, they have the same struggles, with the same road blocks and each is truly helping lift one another up to succeed.

The warmth and easy going nature of all the consultants, regardless of their income, was both extraordinary and empowering.  A room full of 10,000, passionate, independent, intelligent women was a phenomenon, the energy very apparent.  I could not compare this to anything else, and words do not capture the true magnitude of the event.

Registration was insane - but yet still flowed smoothly!!

Another huge awe inspiring moment, was the extraordinary leadership at Rodan + Fields.  The executive team is with us, growing the company from the top down as the consultants are growing the company from the bottom up.  The dynamics of this are very clear.  It is, as if, we are all part of something larger than life and the leadership is in the trenches with us, spreading the word of how extraordinary and life changing the R+F products truly are.

From packaging, to new technology, and communication, Rodan + Fields is truly a first class organization.   This company is not only about premium skin care products, there is also a passionate force behind the skincare; an organization that cares about their employees.  I personally felt like an employee, part of a positive movement, to give a gift, with the best of intentions; I was not only one of 10,000 consultants. 

San Francisco Home Office Team - All  Direct Employees of  Rodan + Fields

Attending convention proved to me, what sets this company apart is that they are the real deal in every aspect.  This is what I want to share with potential customers and consultants.  Be part of a movement, change how you think about creating your future, Rodan + Fields is an innovated company with heart and 10,000 women and a few men can NOT be wrong.

The Unknown

How often do we think:"  Am I invested in myself and in those around me?"  "Am I being sincere and true to my thoughts from deep within?"  Do we honestly care for and nurture our inner child each and every day?  Are we in tune and sensitive to those around us or quick to judge their differences?  

Are our choices in line with who we are and what we want out of life? 

Each day we wake up and immediately begin thinking, "What do I need to do today?"  It may be followed with feelings of excited anticipation or it may be followed by feelings of dread.  I immediately think, "How am I feeling today?"  Is the feeling positive or negative and if it's not a good feeling, how can I transform the bad Into something good.

Each day is an unknown, we don't know how our feelings will navigate us, but we can choose 

the best direction possible.

First thing in the morning, I will also consider if I am following my path of choice or someone else's expectations of what I should or shouldn't do.  (This can be rough when you feel no one else understands your choices.) And finally, I think about all the stuff I need to do that day.   It sounds like a lot of thinking, but it's all very instantaneous with sincerity.

I recently took a trip to New York to visit a friend who just moved from Florida to Long Island.  The weekend away had been planned for months, and we had a very busy weekend planned.  I learned a few weeks before my trip, that my aunt was having a huge family affair which I very much wanted to attend.  I ultimately could not attend due to timing and I sincerely did not feel good about not seeing my family.  I chatted with my husband about the situation, and we mutually agreed we would plan a family trip to New York during the holidays.  The thought of dedicating a holiday trip to my family satisfied my discontent and made me smile inside. 

When we have too many days when we question our choices, we also feel insecure and unhappy with our life.  We may feel unsettled, unappreciative, ungrateful for all the good already in our life.  This calls for some serious revaluation of how we are choosing to live each day.  Nothing is ever unchangeable.   

We may want more money, more time, more love.  We want less stress, less heartache, less work.  

More understanding, less judgement;

More vacations, less bills, more care, less resentment.

There is always something we want or don't want in our lives and it's a vicious cycle of Ying and Yang.  But, choosing to believe in the good and inviting more goodness into our life, instantly pushes the bad out. It's always a choice, we should choose to be happy, even in the midst of the unknown.

I have been looking for a ring the last few months.  A special ring that meant something to me.  I found one last weekend at the 69th Annual Shinnecock Pow Wow 2015 Native American Indian Festival in South Hampton, NY.  

The ring felt perfect. It will remind me each day to live well, be true to my feelings and to love carefully.  

Good things do come to those who wait, especially when we least expect it.

And through patience & care we discover, we can uncover The Unknown. -LN

Are We Worth it?

We all have those days when we think, "Am I worth the time, the attention, the money?"  Why do we flip these thoughts inside and around in our head?  Is it a question truly worth asking? We all do it, but how many of us, re-evaluate this question and say, "Yes, I am worth it.  I'm worth every minute, every second, every penny."

Don't we all deserve to be spoiled?  Not to be selfish, but to feel worthy.

When we deny our deepest hearts desires we find ourselves feeling empty inside.  However, when we remove those feelings, our minds and hearts are open and it is easy to tell ourselves, "Yes!  Let's do this!"

How often do we spoil our significant others, our family, friends or even a perfect stranger, with kindest, gifts or our time?  How often do we give these same things back to ourselves without guilt or any negative push back from deep within?

I always look for ways to give back to myself, something I had to relearn after I had children. It may be a trip to the nail salon, my routine hair appointment, buying a new, unneeded, pair of shoes, singing to my favorite songs in the car, a trip to Starbucks, or finding someway, anyway to take care of myself.  I am always mindful of those in my life, but taking care of everyone is a fine balancing act, one I work on each day to define and redefine. 

My first Regimen purchase for Rodan + Fields was a big "me" splurge.  One I kept to myself at first. I soon learned it was the best splurge I had made in a long time.  I felt much better about taking care of me when I discovered the products were well worth the money.  That is when I knew I was also worth it in so many other ways.  I didn't feel bad, I felt radiant. And this is how we bring our worth full circle.

The more worthy you feel, the more you shine, the more you give back to yourself 

and to those around you.

Interesting how perspective can change at any one moment.  I know I'm worth the things I do for myself.  Everyone is worthy of these things. Feeling that inside is priceless and joyful.

Stop and think today "Am I worth it?"  Worth everything I choose for myself, in my life, at this time?

When you say, "Yes, I am!"  It truly is the best feeling in the world. And you'll never say, "No" again!

Say "Yes" With Me!

Laughing Out Loud

I love a good joke, especially when a good laugh follows.  The kind that makes you pee your pants as you cry.  Although, I can be very reflective and serious, I like to balance my life and be witty and silly, even if it's at my own expense.

I will go for that bad taste in humor, just to find the joke and make someone else laugh or at least crack a smile.  I admit, I'll make fun of the most ridiculous things for a cheap laugh.  I'm that person.

I do enjoy getting dressed up to show off my classy side, but at the end of the day, I'm still a silly, little girl inside, who cracks up at potty jokes.  Thank god I have little boys who get the joke with me, because everything is funny with the proper spin. 

I think the key to being part of Rodan + Fields is not to take yourself or anyone else too seriously. I'm definitely not a sales person, only here to share what I know about the products. This is how I do this:  If you are interested, I'm thrilled and if you're not, well maybe another time.

Everyone has their own time table on when they are ready to start thinking about quality skincare. 

I started paying close attention to my own skincare needs about two years ago.  By the time I happen to speak to my friend Stephanie about Rodan + Fields, it was the right time for me to try something new, and without knowing what I was stumbling upon, I was like, "Wow, these products actually work!" And here I am.

It is always about timing. A good joke is all about timing too.

Joining the business is all about good timing too.  We all have a time in our lives when we're ready for a change in our cash flow or personal fulfillment.  Many of our current R+F consultants have similar stories, something needed to change in their lives.  Many were also skeptical at first, however they all agree becoming a consultant was the absolute best decision they had ever made.  Their stories are infectious, and they always make me smile.  

This weekend I will be seeing Jim Gaffigan in Atlanta.  He's one of my favorite comedians. His tone and timing of his jokes make me laugh out loud. (Literally - LOL) I use to watch his specials when I was pregnant with my boys, and I would laugh so hard, I peed my pants, because that's what pregnant women do.

There is nothing better than a good laugh to lighten the soul.  

Humor makes life lovable, even when life gets kind of shitty, a good laugh is pure freedom.


So, if you get a message from me on Facebook - don't think, "She's trying to sell me something."  Instead think, "She's checking on my timing."  And then think, 
"I wonder if she's peeing her pants laughing at a really bad joke."  

LOL! HaHa! LOL!

Dancing In Front Of Mirrors

Exposing our selves to the world, opening our hearts to what is true and real is a lot like Dancing in Front of Mirrors.  We either love how we look and feel or we are shocked at what we see.

I personally use to hate dancing - I was self conscious and had not one decent move, well, maybe I had one or two I thought were decent, but in general, I was always teased for being a bad dancer and apparently my oldest son "got all his moves from me".  However, I personally think he's a super, adorable dancer and he got his own thing going on just fine.

Fast forward to today.  I suddenly found my groove.  I suspect it was always there, but maybe I truly found my mojo on the dance floor, throw in some 80s music or Disco and I'm dancing all night long without a care in the world.

Interestingly, I would also admit I am at a pretty decent time in my life.  Probably the most confident and happy I've been compared to my college days of poor dancing at the college clubs, and trying to figure out who the heck I was or wanted to be.  I find it interesting how age changes our perspective in such a positive away.  At least for most us.

I started looking at myself more closely in the mirror and in photos. (Aside from glowing due to the best skincare regimen of my life ;)  I discovered the best thing I can do for me, is to be honest about what I wanted in the now and in the future.  

How many of us truly understand and listen to our own heart's deepest desires?

Financial Freedom has always been a big goal, I just never knew how I would get there, but I never gave up on the dream.  Each year I find a little more freedom on this subject, but now, I want it more than ever.

I have two gorgeous little boys in my life, and I want to share my dreams of traveling the world with them. I want them to be exposed to different cultures, food, and languages.  I want them to know that Suburbia 101 is not all there is to living life.  I want them to know snow the way I knew snow (we live in Florida) I want them to understand their own heritage and be empowered with life experiences that will shape and mold their futures.

My motivation is no longer about my own needs, my motivation is achieving dreams through the eyes of my children.  This is a very unique perceptive.  It is what has changed when I look in the mirror.

Now I can dance freely!  I can smile with happiness!  I can tell myself the impossible is possible.

I see successful people in the same business as myself and I think, they are just like me.  They had a dream, they were motivated by their dream and they achieved their dream, one day, one step at a time.  This isn't a rehearsal anymore - this is real.

I will dance like I have never danced, spreading that joy of feeling free and happy to anyone and everyone who wants to join me as I Dance in the mirror.

I love the song Dancing Queen, by Abba. Let's dance and laugh and be Dancing Queens Together!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFrGuyw1V8s

Staying True to our Journey

Remaining true to our core beliefs and values can be difficult when it means we are forced to be honest with ourselves on how we feel about a particular person or situation. 

However in order to be true to our core, we must be open to our true selves allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, inviting opportunity for our emotions to be attacked.  I tend to protect myself, as most people naturally do after being hurt.  We all protect our hearts and our thoughts, as to not get torn down by others or have our own inner voice crushed.  

When we protect ourselves we limit our potential to receive and give true love.

Our instincts keep us aligned and aware of when we are being over protective, hindering our own growth or those that we love.  Our instincts are crucial in personal survival and keeping our instincts sharp can be difficult in our day to day activites when we want to give of ourselves in so many ways.  

For example, I work full time as a Financial Controller at a Daytona Beach FBO, I am a mom of two small boys, I am a wife, I am a friend, I am PTA Treasurer for my son's elementary school as well as his cub scout pack, and most recently I began my journey as a Rodan + Fields consultant.  

I choose all these things in my life and I love all of it, it is part of what I do.  However, I am also a woman with goals and desires, I am a writer, a traveler, an adventurer seeker, an event planner, a person who wants good things for those who are part of my life.  In order to maintain all these truths, I must stay centered in who I am, no matter what anyone else says or thinks of me. 

Our thoughts and instincts are our own. We can not allow others to discount them.  

I believe we all go through cycles of how we feel about ourselves and others in our lives. This paints pictures of conditional love, it generates hurt and pain and feelings of inadequacy.  We may feel unworthy at times or make someone we love feel unworthy.  

This is a cycle that must be broken, it begins with ourselves, it begins with our own perspective. 

I have personally pushed to reclaim my own self esteem over time, but at times I will still have feelings of extreme sensitivity and vulnerability on the inside.  This is okay when our core is stable and we are in sync with our hearts and minds desires.  This is what keeps us strong on the inside, while still keeping our hearts open to love.  

Reclaiming our natural desires to be a free spirit, to speak our truth and feel validated without controlling the outcome is an exceptional way to live and see the world around you.  We all have a tendency to want to force life, to jump ahead and try to make things be a certain way.  However, allowing life to unfold naturally, while still remaining true to who we are, gives us peace of mind, without worry, without compromising ourselves or our personal growth.  

I choose each day to reclaim my power in order to take care of my own spirit.  I choose to thrive and be whole by staying pure to my own truth.  When words or actions are used to ultimately try and tear me down, I give them no place in my world. This is my free spirit working it's magic. This is my intent and I see it working through my own children as they find their own place in this world.  I can see it in their eyes, their actions and the joy that they radiate to those around them.  

Please do not hinder my existence and try to make me someone I am not.

We all on are on a very different journey, yet our paths may cross.  We may connect or we may not.  We may even be close friends. I been told I like everyone, but I think my choose is to see the good in everyone and understand who they are respectfully.  When the good is diminished by negative thoughts or self serving agendas, I reevaluate and ask what is this person's true heart's desires and do they align with my own?  If our intent isn't aligned the person falls away naturally without harm. 

Our journeys are a tangled web of our past, present and future. We must all navigate together, not apart, while still being true to our spirits intent to live well.  

Passions

We all have passion for something.  The loves of our life, our kids, our job or a guilty pleasure.  We all have something or someone we want in our lives passionately.  

At times this passion may fade and be replaced with a new passion, but there is always at least one thing we can claim as a life passion.  If we are not truly passionate about anything, digging deep to find a passion, any passion, is something worth considering.

Passions give us something to wake up to each morning.

I have many passions, some are relevant in my day to day life, others are buried a little deeper and come out occasionally.  I am always looking for new, exciting passions in life, because what's the point of living without passion?

Currently, I'm passionate about my new business venture as an independent consultant for

Rodan + Fields.  I think my passion lies in the fact that I believe in the products.  I truly feel I have uncovered a best kept secret and it's my job to share it.  I started using one of the regimens called Reverse in April and used it every day before I decided to launch my business.  I have never consistently used any skincare product on my face for any long period of time.  I can say, with ease, I was hooked, mainly because I looked into my mirror each morning and felt good about what I saw. This is exactly what fuels my passion.  

I felt empowered!

Once I started consulting, I switched to the anti-aging regimen called Redefine.  I did not think I would like the results more, but I did.  I was tickled with satisfaction, I mean come on, who doesn't want to look young forever?  My passion had expanded, and it now was focused on sharing my "Fountain of Youth" with whomever would listen.  I believe I look and feel better about how my own face looks, and I want others to feel alive and be confident about how they look too.

At 40 this is a uniquely fascinating discovery! 

Why is this relevant?  I believe it is important to be confident in whatever we choose to do in life. Even on those days we do not feel 100% confident, we should fake it.  Fake it until we make it.
I am amazed when people tell me they think I'm always confident or have it all together.  And I laugh and think, "Wow, if they only knew what whirled around in my head."  But, I am happy and flattered I can project something other then the self doubts that creep into my thoughts.  I push them away, but they do exist.

We all have doubts about so many things.  It is these doubts that prevent success, they prevent joy and that easy going feeling that things will come together just as they are suppose to.  Maybe age and life experience come into play and life begins to feel easier.

 Don't allow life to happen to you, but instead make life happen for you. - LN

I like to think the worry lessens for some of us with age, but I know this isn't always the case, as some people worry more with age.  Why worry if you can not change the outcome that was meant to happen anyway?  Any outcome is always for the best.  And I digress, as the intent of this post was about Passion.

My passion is to bring confidence.  My passion is to share knowledge and to become relevant to those who choose to listen.  And I do it because I like to think I can make a difference, and share what truly is - with a knowing smile.  Is it really this simple?  And this is my truth.

My Fountain of Youth.  

Happiness - Careree & Great Skin.

Challenges To Choices

We all have challenges each day.  But, what happens when you challenge your entire life?  What happens when you threaten the very foundation of everything you created to get to the point in your life as of today?

I recently challenged my marriage.  I consciously re-evaluated the last ten years since meeting my husband.  To many this could have been a disastrous situation, however, for me it was a blessing.  A uniquely, sobering blessing.

Although, my choices created conflict at home, I understood, that deep within I was part of a larger plan to re-establish a better foundation for my family.  This challenge in turn, pushed me to challenge myself personally.  Why was I unsettled in life, and what changes could I make to re-establish those feelings of solace towards inner-peace?  I'm in charge of me, my feelings and my actions.  I will work on making things better, stronger, safer.

By this revelation, I had already toyed with the possibility of becoming a Rodan + Fields business partner, but for me the timing was not quite right when I was first introduced to the opportunity.  And one day, I woke up, while dealing with these specific life struggles, and I knew the timing was exactly right.  I was ready, and sometimes when we tell ourselves we are ready to make a change, it is our spirit re-aligning with our life path.

My biggest question that came with this choice, was "Why can't I succeed the way the other women have succeeded in Rodan + Fields?"  I'm smart, business savvy and I love the products.  I decided, I would watch, listen, learn and execute.  I will do whatever I needed to do to make this happen one day, one goal at a time.

I will not stress about it, only take my time and do what needs to be done.  As of today, I am happy with my decision and I am certain when I look back, on the difficult evolution, I will see everything came together exactly as it was suppose to.

My husband is extremely supportive, which made the transition from then to now feel effortless in retrospect.  Life is filled with twists and turns, but without them, we would not appreciate how far we've come.

My journey has just begun.  It will not always be easy, but I will take each day with stride. 

Ironically, I had this blog post already written and my life had a hiccup over the weekend.  While staying in Tampa for the weekend, a brand new challenge crossed my life path.  My Jeep was crashed by a valet in a parking garage.  It was like watching a movie or TV episode.  Was I really starring in a crazy turn of life events?  

My perfect, recently paid off car, was literately smashed into a cement pole and there I was standing looking at it in disbelief.  The young man who crashed the car had a look of terror on his face.
The valet manager had a similar look, one of regret and sorrow.

  

I was now in a unique position, do I cry, scream and get mad or do I take it all in and allow myself to let it go?  Anyone who knows me well, would be certain, I'd never cry over a car, however, my life just got complicated.  What can I do to make this event carry the least amount of resistance on my life going forward?

I decided to suck it up and do what I needed to do.  I did not freak out and I worked with the gracious people helping me to make the process as smooth as possible.  Because, like all of us, I had a choice and my choice would be to keep my life easy.  Although, my brain was thinking, "What the hell just happened?!" my calm disposition was to make sure all the paperwork was in order to get the situation resolved.  It all came together and I met some really good  people in the process.   

By the time I drove my rental car home, I knew I had handled the situation as well as I possible could.  No one was hurt, the car would be repaired, and sometimes life throws you a curve ball.  

Do you try to catch it or let it hit you square in the face?

Staying True

I remember posting a blog entry every day when my family lived in a camper for almost a year.  It was such an awe inspiring time in my life.  I stopped blogging daily when we moved into our home in suburbia, as I felt my inspiration wasn't in tune with my day to day life any longer.  This, however, has changed.

I've taken on a new business endeavor, and I felt blogging would be a good outlet to share my journey, only because it makes the actual story more real and personal.  I expect to achieve success, yet when we reap the rewards of our successes, the journey often gets lost, and it is the details of the journey that make our success story so important and relevant.

The moments of doubt and fear are lost in the happiness of the prize at the very end.  We all see one another on social media or in our day to day lives and we have no idea what runs deep, underneath the happy smiles.

What is each person's true story?

I am going to start my own story all over again.  It will be intertwined with goodness and sadness.  It will be relevant to everyone, as we all have our own story, laced with a spectrum of emotions.  There are times when we care to share the bad, but often, we hide our fears, our struggles and our sadness. We move forward each day, knowing nothing about the darkness that lies within our own souls, trying desperately to peak it's tiny monster head.  It is this hidden darkness that destroys us from the inside out.

Many of us have a happy disposition, a facade of goodness and sunny cheer.  Are these people truly joyful or are they wearing a mask to hide the pain they hold deep inside?  This pain is hard to recognize when still waters run deep.

These are cynical words, I know this - but the truth hides nothing.  The truth reveals all the good and all the bad.  The truth is a mirror of what truly is.

I will share both.  There are good, happy days.  But, there are also the days when we are not sure what the future holds, and this is okay.  I smile with satisfaction as this statement contains raw sincerity, dripping with intent.

I am, in general a happy person, however, at this time in my life, there are events that have altered my happiness.  I've had moments when I questioned my current life choices, but I turn inward and remind myself I have a family, that I cherish, and a good life with good people in it.

Isn't that enough?

This is what I want to uncover - the day to day - on a new journey - the days of hope - and the days when there is something other than hope.

I want you to join me, on this new journey I am choosing to embark on.  I will make it interesting and truthful every step of the way.

With Empathy

I was recently asked by a friend, "Why should I have empathy?" I immediately looked it up, because although I aim to live my life thoughtfully,  I wanted to be sure I was clear on the definition before answering too quickly.

EMPATHY: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Relating to their feelings from their frame of reference, as if walking in their shoes.

Specifically, the conversation with my friend was with respect to her being empathetic towards her significant other.  I shared my perspective with her:  Empathy is the foundation of any healthy relationship, love and care simply isn't enough.  We must pull ourselves out of the equation to help ourselves understand what the other person is feeling from their own personal life experience. 

We all think and feel based on our life long frame of reference.  We all react and absorb life differently based on our upbringing and our internal navigation system.  We each think differently and understand life from many perspectives.  It began from when we were born and continues until we die.

I have learned, it is easy to take for granted, simply falling in love with someone or giving birth to them,  does not allow us to instantly know their human spirit.  Love will not automatically allow us access to a person's heart's desires.  Regardless of how close we are to another human being emotionally, we are all delicately woven with slight differences. However, when we love another with empathy, we are truly loving them with all our heart, allowing their own heart to be full. 

I often self monitor when I give advice, guiding a loved one or sharing my personal point of view; am I being respectful in understanding that the person I care about is in a different place?  How do I allow them to find their own way without sharing only my perspective?  It can not be about control, or enabling behaviors, it is more about letting go of an outcome, with no self benefit with regard to what I may or may not share.   

We cannot force someone else to be,  say or do what we feel is best.  We may share our view, and still allow them to live a path of their choice.  Our life partners, children and friends will love us regardless if we agree or disagree with their choices,  but it is out of empathic love that we can support them and remind them how much we care for them. 

Empathy is a powerful tool of love.  One we tend to forget when our love overshadows the benefits.  It can feel hard to embrace,  but once mastered, it is a gift to those we choose to love, and with ease we can allow it into all aspects of our lives.

With or Without Anxiety

Anxiety:  a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

A pit in your stomach – your mind spinning with doubt – An unsafe sensation

I have been told that anxiety runs in my family, but I personally think everyone experiences anxiety in one form or another at different times in their lives.

I believe this because I have observed others and I see the knowing looks in people's eyes; they will nod in agreement, with utter understanding, as I share a story about an anxious moment.

I believe,  no one person is immune to the unpredictable, unexplained feelings of doubt, fear and uncertain intuition.

I can recall a time, as a little girl, when I was sick from school, for an entire week.  I had incredible anxiety about going back to school, so much anxiety that I begged and pleaded each day to stay home.  I ultimately did not go back to school for an entire second week.  My inner core could not imagine falling back into an unfamiliar routine.  I had these unshakable feelings of dread.  It was a horrible scared emotion. I remember it well.

 Is anxiety about changing our routine, or changing the predicable?  We automatically feel safe doing what our brains understand.  New babies thrive in a routine; feelings of security come with a routine.

I have also experienced anxiety commuting on the crowded Long Island Railroad.  I have had panic attacks on the train exactly twice.  I trained my brain to cope, I had no choice and I lived, I survived.  Those fears are now gone.  I have had similar feelings of feeling overwhelmed in crowds.  A more mild form of anxious nerves exists before I am about to do something new or when I change up my routine.  I have had bouts of social anxiety and when I leave my boys for more than two days straight.  I have extreme difficulty with public speaking and a fear of heights.  I only share these feelings to illustrated, beyond my calm demeanor, I am absolutely no stranger to many different types of anxiety.  

However, these feelings of internal turmoil do not rule over or prevent me from living my life. My determination to maintain control of my emotions and to fully understand the core of these feelings has forced me to manage them and live a functional, healthy, fulfilling life.  

I admit, if I could NOT manage these emotions, many of my choices in life would be very different.  I would not have been able to move around the country.  I would not have had a second child.  I would not have married a man with children.  I probably would not have gotten married.  I would probably be living on my own, in NYC working and hiding out in my safe little apartment.  Leaving occasionally to meet friends or maybe even to travel.  Assuming at this point, I didn’t develop a fear of germs or flying. Assuming I could have left my hometown or even worked in NYC communting on those scary trains. 

When one anxiety takes over your psyche, it invites many more to come and stay.  Anxieties grow in our mind, anxieties feed off of doubt, insecurities and irrational fears.  They multiply and breed.  They can be extremely intense and hurt our secure place in our mind, that place where we feel comfortable, loved and happy.

Anxiety can include all of the following:

Fear of trying something new – What if I can’t do it?

Fear of the unknown - Something bad could happen. 

Fear of being late – being stuck in traffic causes much anxiety (AKA – I will be late and something bad will happen)

Fear of Flying – What if the plane crashes, gets hijacked. (AKA – I’m going to die)

Fear of being sick – What if I have a terminal illness or die?

Fear of letting our kids do things – Fear they will be hurt or stolen or die.

Fear of a routine change – What if I forget something or something goes wrong? 

Fear of deadlines – what if I'm late or do not complete the task?  (AKA something bad will happen) 

Fear of going back to school or learning a new skill - What If I fail?

Fear of Job a interview – Fear of rejection

Fear of relationships/falling in love – fear of rejection – What if I’m unlovable? 

Fear of Marriage – What if I get divorced?  

Fear of having children – What if they hurt me or I fail as a parent.

Fear of learning/writing/speaking up/being wrong – I will fail.  I am a failure.

Fear of throwing something away -  what if I will need it someday.  

Anxieties are all about self-preservation.  For the sake of saving ourselves, we deny ourselves positive opportunities for change and growth. - LN

I have fought many of my irrational anxieties.  They come and go.  I do not listen when my brain gives me silly reasons why not to do something.   This is hard to do on occasion, but I stop and determine a realistic outcome and then I make a decision.  Am I having a rational fear or irrational fear?  The answer is always irrational, the initial outcome is so far-fetched, I dismiss it and think of something positive.  This is my key.

In addtion, I work hard to make sure my kids do not engage anxious emotions. I instinctively work to ensure anxieties do not exist in their little worlds.  I have noticed my 3 year old has minor fears, and I talk to him, and help him understand there is nothing to be afraid of.  He says, “I’m scared, Mommy” in his cute little voice. I always ask why and redirect to prevent him from reinforcing the fear.  He is young, and it is harmless, for now, but I will keep a close eye on him as he matures. 

I understand fear and face my fears, but I do not invite fear into my life. _LN

After I gave birth to my first child I had incredible insecurities of, “Oh my God, I am responsible for this little human being for the rest of my life.”  I was intensely fearful, up to that point in my life,  I only took care of myself.  I was 33 when my first son was born. 

  “I will never have my independence again.”  

The reality scared me, but I acknowledged it, and redirected my thoughts.  As time went on, I started sleeping more, I worked towards owning my new life, and the fear diminished and soon it totally vanished.  My first son and I, have now developed an incredible relationship and I could not imagine that new little person not being a part of my life.  Imagine, being scared of a new born?

By child number two, four years later, it was easy and perfect.  No irrational fears on how to handle two little boys – everything fell right into place.  Interesting how our minds work and grow. 

But what if......?  

I understand people who have anxieties about their children being safe, yet, I often force these fears aside to allow my boys to grow and learn from their own mistakes.  This is difficult, but the more I let each of them “go” at different stages of their lives, the easier it becomes.  

I often remind myself, teach them how to cope with life when I’m not there.  Teach them basic skills when they are young and more complex skills when they are older.  Teach them so they will teach those around them.  But most importantly,  teach by example.  I must be stronger, wiser, happier, and most confident for them.  They will one day teach their own children.  Life without anxiety is a legacy they will carry forward.  

I do not buy into,  "Our genes determine who we are."  We always have the power to pave a better path.  That power is infinite and with each step, we free our mind of unexplainable doubt, and it does  it get easier.  Easier to distinguish the patterns of fear, and easier to quiet the mind of irrational doubt.  It is an interesting phenomena, a twist in perspective.  And although, the questionable thoughts may always linger deep within, they will be softer and they will NOT rule the day to day, allowing for unconditional happiness and no stress triggers.

A Free Will = A Free Life = A Freed Spirit

One Life Day at A Time

Life is not always peaches and cream.  I know this, I own this.  Those who know me personally, understand, I am the first to admit parenting is hard work, a happy marriage is a conscious effort, and not every day is easy.  However, a fine balance of the good, peppered with the hard, gives life an illusion of being pleasurable more often than not. 

My purpose for this blog is to shine a spot light on my "Rose colored glasses" as my mother would call my idealistic view of the world, when I was a little girl.  And I now think, "Why is this a bad thing?" An Optimistic view is always better than one of Pessimism.

Optimism: The Optimum Time Is Now
Pessimism: Omission of Hope with Permission

Regardless of how we choose to face the world or how we choose to live and write our personal journeys, in a positive or negative light; I will not discredit that we all have a spectrum of emotions, including feelings of fear and sadness regarding our current state. 

Why is this? And how can it be changed?

When we are upset, angry, frustrated or have feelings of being helpless or hopeless, how do we transform these negative feelings into happiness, patience, and hopefulness?  How do we transform fear into confidence?

I personally idenfty my weakness in any given day, I own it and quickly forgive myself.  I take time to understand what went wrong to escalate a situation, and immediately release (with real-ease) in order to stay present in the now. 

I continue to learn and grow and I work hard to identify the root of any difficult emotion.  It could be stress,  anxiety, frustration, but occasionally, we all need a healthy outburst.  A good cry or yell to remind ourselves we are spirits living an imperfect human experience.  

We are all gifted with tools to make life easier, not harder; and with each life lesson we are capable of being better, good and happy all the time.  We have the ability to make choices, and we are all worthy of unconditional happiness.  This stems from forgiving ourselves of yesterday's mistakes.

I turned 40 recently, and I thought, what does this mean to me?  How does this contribute to my view of the world and my own life?  I feel truly empowered.  I have come so far from where I started, yet there is so much more to come.  I consciously made a choice to live the next 40 years on my terms, with a positive, healthy force around me. 

Do we all have struggles? YES!  But, isn't how we choose to cope and learn from these struggles what changes our perspective and mind about how to live a happy life? The happiest life, One Living Day at a Time!

We all have a choice.  How will you choose yours?

Life Extraordinary

Looking back on one year of life can be both captivating and daunting.

Is another year really over?  It flew by,  faster than I had expected.  I think life is better now.  Life is easier,  happier,  I am wiser, and in a better place.  Those are the thoughts I always hope and aim to have looking down the barrel of a new year. 

Goals and aspirations are set.  Some goals are grand, while others are easily achievable.

"How did I get here?"  I ponder to myself.  My life has had a myriad of life forks,  twists and turns some forseeable, while others jumped in front of my otherwise stable life.  Making good, sound decisions, in the wake of living, is all I can truly account for my current life as I sit here writing these words.

As I carefully wrap Christmas ornaments and place them away in their special space,  I know next year will be very different.  We will be different.  Our lives will have once again changed for the better.  Although,  I forsee myself living in the same home,  my family may not be home for the holidays.  Life around me will be different.  Vacations will have been taken.  School will have shifted grades,  people will come in and out of our lives.  Life will be somewhat the same,  yet somewhat changed.

 

If we are not constantly striving for positive change than what is the point of living a fullfilling life? -LN

This year,  I will be better.  Happier,  sweeter,  kinder,  more loving. 

This year I will teach and be taught.  I will work smarter, live with more confidence, be creative with laughter and a light heart.

Next year, at this time,  I will look back with satisfaction and look forward with hope. 

Life is most interesting when seen from multiple perspectives. -LN