With Empathy

I was recently asked by a friend, "Why should I have empathy?" I immediately looked it up, because although I aim to live my life thoughtfully,  I wanted to be sure I was clear on the definition before answering too quickly.

EMPATHY: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Relating to their feelings from their frame of reference, as if walking in their shoes.

Specifically, the conversation with my friend was with respect to her being empathetic towards her significant other.  I shared my perspective with her:  Empathy is the foundation of any healthy relationship, love and care simply isn't enough.  We must pull ourselves out of the equation to help ourselves understand what the other person is feeling from their own personal life experience. 

We all think and feel based on our life long frame of reference.  We all react and absorb life differently based on our upbringing and our internal navigation system.  We each think differently and understand life from many perspectives.  It began from when we were born and continues until we die.

I have learned, it is easy to take for granted, simply falling in love with someone or giving birth to them,  does not allow us to instantly know their human spirit.  Love will not automatically allow us access to a person's heart's desires.  Regardless of how close we are to another human being emotionally, we are all delicately woven with slight differences. However, when we love another with empathy, we are truly loving them with all our heart, allowing their own heart to be full. 

I often self monitor when I give advice, guiding a loved one or sharing my personal point of view; am I being respectful in understanding that the person I care about is in a different place?  How do I allow them to find their own way without sharing only my perspective?  It can not be about control, or enabling behaviors, it is more about letting go of an outcome, with no self benefit with regard to what I may or may not share.   

We cannot force someone else to be,  say or do what we feel is best.  We may share our view, and still allow them to live a path of their choice.  Our life partners, children and friends will love us regardless if we agree or disagree with their choices,  but it is out of empathic love that we can support them and remind them how much we care for them. 

Empathy is a powerful tool of love.  One we tend to forget when our love overshadows the benefits.  It can feel hard to embrace,  but once mastered, it is a gift to those we choose to love, and with ease we can allow it into all aspects of our lives.